watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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