i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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