He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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