I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
