So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
