If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
