There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
