watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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