wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
