I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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