i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
