I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
