Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
