Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
