Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh god the rape fog is back!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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