4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are the jesus of drinking
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
