They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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