he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
