Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
