he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
