it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
