I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
