Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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