the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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