Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
