***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
