I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
