my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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