im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
