I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
