i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
