i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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