i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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