I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
