can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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