wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
