i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
