I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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