i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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