my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
