Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
