i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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