if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
