I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
