She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
