all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
