just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
