in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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