Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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