I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
