What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
