I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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