just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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